Your guide to activities and fun things to do with your preschoolers, toddlers and kids in Pasadena, CA

Your normally easy-going toddler walks up to a playmate and suddenly hits him or her hard enough to elicit tears. Oh no! What if this isn't the first time?

Since abstractions like "being nice" or "be a good friend" are hard to absorb by a 2-4 year old, especially in a heated moment, sometimes it's more effective to deal with the behavior on the spot. Plenty of other books will advise on what approaches to take. But later on, what's the best way to talk with your child about how friends treat each other? Where can you turn?

If it starts becoming a consistent problem and needs addressing--when you need to reach into your bag of tricks and change the undesired behavior, what to do?

For very young children between the ages of 2 to about 4, I like the Hands Are Not for Hitting series. The book uses clear illustrations to show the body part in question in positive or negative uses. So there's also Teeth Are Not for Biting, Feet Are Not for Kicking, and Words Are Not for Hurting.

When you look up these books on Amazon, you'll see they're suggested for readers aged 4-7. I really think this is incorrect. It'll bore an older child (and an older child who is lashing out in these ways needs other help, perhaps). But for toddlers, the simple and gentle admonishments in short, to-the-point phrases are perfect for the developmental capacity of little ones. Plus, the books aren't a rain of scoldings, but really do put the emphasis on positive and encouraged behavior.

It's the difference in tone between the sharpness of "No hitting!" and a slightly more encouraging reminder to use "Gentle hands, gentle touches."